Give Me One Good Reason I Shouldn’t Push Him Off a Cliff?

What does loving detachment look like?

When I first heard about this crazy term " loving detachment" I'm pretty sure I missed the important adjective "loving". Okay, maybe it wasn't an accident, I just ignored it. Why? Because I wasn't feeling it at all. Not loving, not liking, not really anything positive was coming to my mind. But I can tell you that word "detachment" was something I had no problem relating to. I instantly had a vision of me standing next to my husband at the Grand Canyon and calling out to him " Come here and let me show you something " and with a little shove, I had my detachment. I quickly learned that was NOT the type of detachment they were talking about.

Even though it has been a process, I have learned how to practice Loving Detachment from my addict. I have learned I am not responsible for the behaviors of my addict nor should I take on the responsibilities he neglects because of his disease. I learned to love him enough to let him suffer the consequences from his choices. I have discovered the word "NO" is a complete sentence.

No, I won't bail you out of jail!

No, I won't call in sick for you!

No, I will not get in the car with you!

No, you can't live in my home!

Even though I have been fortunate to not have to deal with some of these situations, I know many others have. Personally, I have gained a lot of peace knowing I don't have to feel guilty saying NO!

My least favorite part of loving detachment, is not giving unsolicited advice. I know this may be shocking, but not once has my addict ever said, "thank you so very very much for telling me how to manage my sobriety. You have got to be the wisest person I have ever met, and I am so glad that you're here every day to tell me what to do". The tough part is, that sometimes I did have the right answers. But this is a road the addict must find on their own. You can't force sobriety on anyone, and until they're ready to make that decision on their own, we have to practice loving detachment.

I wish I could say that I have this mastered, but I will be the first to say some days I fail miserably. But in recovery we often use the phrase "progress not perfection" so at least I'm using my failures for growth! The best news is....... I still haven't pushed my husband off any cliffs.

I WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU!!

Please feel free to comment on your experiences with Loving Detachment. Whether it's a funny story, a moment of success, or words of wisdom for those of us still trying to figure this out, we know sharing helps us grow!